March 2012
50 posts
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Jamie Moyer, still pitching, and other things that... →
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“We were sitting virtually knee to knee in the cramped bus. She radiated...”
– “Old pervy man of the day” — Arlen Specter, the former senator.
Party-switching former Sen. Arlen Specter • Writing about Sarah Palin in his new book “Life Among Cannibals,” and simultaneously giving us nightmares. (via shortformblog)
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WatchA 100-year-old light bulb that still works
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #34: "Mad Men" meetup
himymmother:
“Kids, I was a fan of ‘Mad Men’ because of the architecture; Barney and Robin for the suits, the cigars and the casual sex. We used to gather on Sundays to watch, but for the series finale, we went out to a viewing at a bar. Your mother was dressed as Don Draper, which was weird, but it got me interested in talking with her. Barney likes to say she wears the suit in the family.”
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“Make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life....”
– Ryan Bingham, Up in the Air (via geeksturr)
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“Each of these questions, when answered, will begin to limit the available...”
– Dirty writing, or technical writing? This particular passage may be the most technically boring erotica ever. From an article titled “Test & Inspection: Get a Grip on Shaft Measurement,” which doesn’t help one answer the question.
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“Selecting the best measuring solution for your part can be a very confusing and...”
– Dirty writing, or technical writing, part 2? From an article titled “Test & Inspection: Get a Grip on Shaft Measurement,” which doesn’t help one answer the question.
And, hey, you want to know what kinds of operator skills are necessary. It’s just good etiquette.
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“Shaft-type parts can require inspection of an incredibly diverse set of...”
– Dirty writing, or technical writing? From an article titled “Test & Inspection: Get a Grip on Shaft Measurement,” which doesn’t help one answer the question.
And, if it is dirty, thank goodness for “nondestructive testing.”
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #33: Menage a quatre
himymmother:
“Kids, this whole story of meeting your mother is my way of saying I’m sorry you had to see that today. We’ve kept it from you a long time, but you should know: your mother likes to do couple-swapping, and obviously Uncle Barney is up for that. That’s why we’ve had the hot tub all these years. It wasn’t just therapeutic. Well, it was in a way, but anyways…”
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“As a user, you shouldn’t be forced to share your private information and...”
– Facebook’s Chief Privacy Officer, Erin Egan • Responding to a recent Associated Press story that discussed potential employers who would ask job applicants for their passwords. Facebook thinks that’s a no-no, and promises it may even consider legal action against companies that use Facebook...
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WatchChickens don’t clap.
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #32: Robin kicks Ted...
himymmother:
“Kids, as you know, many of these stories involve me or Barney breaking up with Robin, and yet I almost never talk about how Robin felt. Well, that caught up to me one day, and she beat me up like I was some hockey player threatening the Vancouver Canucks. Thank goodness your mother had just gotten off her shift as a nurse, and she helped stitch me up at the bar.”
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WatchSince the Burlington Free-Press doesn’t understand that if you don’t want people to embed your videos, you probably shouldn’t give them the code, here’s said video.
h/t Romenesko
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“It is the job of journalists to decide what is news. It’s not the job of anyone...”
– Amazing arrogance.
And that, my friends, is the sound of someone who refuses to be dragged — kicking, screaming or otherwise — into the 21st century.
James H. Smith, President of the Connecticut Council on Freedom of Information. The Day, In an era of bloviating bloggers, professional journalism...
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #31: Ted Mosby's DNA and...
himymmother:
“Kids, in the fall of 2013 I thought I was going to be a father. It was the coat-check girl, with her 7-year-old son, Ned. She said I was the father; I said she was careless with receipts, if you know what I mean. Anyways, I had to give a court-ordered DNA sample, and your mother was working at the clinic. Luckily, it was some other guy and his coat, and I immediately asked your...
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #30: The last slap
himymmother:
“Kids, Barney had finally gotten down to one slap. We were at MacLaren’s, and Barney made a crack about Lily letting herself go since the kid, and Marshall slapped him so hard that he spun around and accidentally groped your mother. Well, after she threw her drink in his face, we all got together for another drink. And that was that.”
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“1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. SILENCE. Speak...”
– Benjamin Franklin’s 13 virtues, and how he went about attaining them. (via explore-blog)
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #28: How I Met The Sopranos
himymmother:
“Kids, I’m almost there: The night I met your mother. But first, I need to go to the bathroom. I’ve been sitting here for hours telling this story, after all. I’ll be right back. …
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WatchVia The Awl, it’s baby animals at zoos all over the world!
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"How I Met Your Mother" Alternate Endings: Guest... →
himymmother:
Excerpted from Ken Levine’s Dec. 7 blog post on how he thinks “HIMYM” should end:
“Telling you all these stories, and reliving those all those memories – all those great nights just hanging out with my buds, all those women that Uncle Barney slept with, all those women that I slept…
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Ann is my nurse and she is the most beautiful...
bathtub-tigers:
“ann, you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.”
“ann, you coy, devious, tricky bastard.”
“ann, you beautiful tropical fish.”
“ann, shut your beautiful piehole.”
“ann, you’re beautiful and you’re organized.”
“ann, you beautiful spinster, i will find you love.”
“ann, you beautiful rule-breaking moth.”
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #27: Ted Mosby finds Jesus
himymmother:
“Kids, all the boozing and women (and the drugs I didn’t even tell you about), I had hit rock bottom. Then, a kind woman took me to church, and I married her, for it came to me in a dream. So despite how awesome these stories sounded, if you do any of these things, your soul cannot be saved.”
GIF via DoTheyReally-Ish
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #26: Ted Mosby's animated...
himymmother:
“Kids, my life is being made into a television show, except it’s going to be animated and take over from “The Simpsons” after its 40-year-run. So I needed to tell you about all these sex stories (and a little about meeting your mom) before the show starts production.”
[cuts to animated boring scene of Ted meeting the mother]
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Watchemotionswithjonhamm:
It’s cute that dear Conan (or anyone, really) thinks that finding pictures of Jon Hamm making weird faces is time consuming in the least. Does he also think it’s hard to track down captioned pictures of kittens online?
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #25: Ted Mosby's first...
himymmother:
“Kids, I was married for one month back in the fall of 2013. I was out in L.A. on business, met this woman who was amazing, or so I thought, and we got married on the third day I knew her, elope-style. But that wasn’t your mother. Turns out she was just another pointless story to tell you, like Zoey or Karen or that girl I went on one date with seven years apart. Anyways, so your...
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Watch“Community” has one hell of a trailer for its return.
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Flip Flop Fly Ballin': José →
flipflopflyball:
Tigres de Quintana Roo 6 Selección de la Liga Centropolitana 2 2:30pm Wednesday March 8, 2012 A second pre-season game for the Selección de la Liga Centropolitana, which is, apparently, something to do with baseball played by the people who run the subway system here. Last week, they took on…
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #24: Barney's bracket...
himymmother:
“Kids, we only just found out that your mother was actually in Barney’s bracket of women he slept with. Turns out, while Barney told her he was a German financier with an incurable illness that gave him great sexual prowess but would kill him by 35, she gave him a false name and said she was a Rockette. Your mother, she’s such a jokester!”
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #23: How Marshall lost his...
himymmother:
“Kids, I’ve never been able to decide if it was a coincidence, but Marshall’s hair began falling out almost immediately after I met your mother. He says he’s fine with it, but I don’t believe him.”
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #22: Ted Mosby's paternity...
himymmother:
“Kids, this is a story of how I met your mother. But it’s also a story I’m telling because I’m being sued for paternity, and this story is more fun than the story a judge is going to make me tell about how I met that mother.”
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“Baseball is about going home, and how hard it is to get there and how driven is...”
– A. Bartlett Giamatti - “Recall as the Series Ends, The Afternoon of the Fall” (via theyseemerollins)
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Guest HIMYM Alternate Endings #12: The Onion helps...
himymmother:
“Kids, so the year was … damn, what year was it? No, wait, Marshall and Lily were … nope, you know what, let’s start at the beginning. In 2005, I was living with Marshall in New York City …”
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HIMYM Alternate Ending #19: Mrs. Ted Mosby tells...
himymmother:
“And kids, that’s how I met you mother. No, just kidding! Let me tell you another story about before I met her …”
[Upstairs, Ted’s wife is on the phone]
“Oh, Ted’s telling the kids again about how he met me. He just loves that story. I just hope he never finds out that the kids aren’t his.”
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“The 2011 Offensive Player of the Year arrived in New Orleans in 2006, less than...”
– John Clayton, at ESPN.com. If the New Orleans region needed Drew Brees’ passing arm to recover from Hurricane Katrina, then it’s even more dysfunctional that we thought. C’mon — let’s stop this nonsense about sports “saving” cities. New York City...
HIMYM Alternate Ending #20: Ted Mosby's daycare...
himymmother:
“Kids, I was helping out Marshall and Lilly by picking up their youngest from daycare. Your mom was running the daycare center, and I was running game. What! Up! [A hand reaches out to high-five Ted from 2030, presumably Barney’s]”
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“I did all right, but Wilt had the big game,” Attles said. “He was...”
– 50 years ago today, Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in an NBA game.
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