Imagine a life in which there’s always a jamboree, it’s always a sunny day, and no one ever troubles you for anything,” said 46-year-old Cleveland native Charley Hale. “You never have to pay taxes, and all you really have to do is blow in a jug a few times, sing some dumb words, and happily smile away with your pretty animatronic girl bear at your side.
Oh, The Onion. One of my favorite fake surveys yet.

Study: 96 Percent Of Humans Would Rather Be Animatronic Bear | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source